Learning to Sit With the Stutter: Exploring Avoidance in Adult Stuttering Therapy

One thing I find myself coming back to quite often in adult stuttering therapy is what happens when someone stutters and immediately tries to get out of it.

They feel the block.

They feel the tension.

They know the word isn't coming out.

And suddenly everything becomes about getting through that moment.

Maybe they push.

Maybe they change the word.

Maybe they laugh.

Maybe they start the sentence again.

And then the moment is over.

For the person speaking, there can be a huge sense of relief.

But when this happens again and again, it can become a very automatic response to stuttering.

That is where I think learning to sit with the stutter can be worth exploring.

What do I mean by "sitting with" the stutter?

I don't mean that someone should be forced to sit in an uncomfortable situation.

I also don't mean that someone shouldn't want to speak more fluently or communicate more easily.

For me, sitting with the stutter is more about creating a little bit of space around the moment.

Instead of immediately trying to escape it, can we notice what is happening?

What does the stutter feel like?

What is your body doing?

What are you thinking?

What are you trying to do to get through it?

It sounds simple, but for someone who has spent years trying not to stutter, it can be quite a different way of looking at speech.

Why do people avoid stuttering?

Most adults who stutter have probably developed their own ways of managing difficult speaking situations.

They might avoid certain words.

Use a different word.

Avoid putting their hand up in a meeting.

Let someone else answer.

Avoid making a phone call.

Rehearse what they are going to say.

Or simply try to get through the sentence as quickly as possible.

These behaviours aren't random.

They usually make sense when you think about the person's experiences.

If changing a word has helped someone avoid an embarrassing stutter in the past, it makes sense that they might do it again.

The problem is that these responses can become so automatic that the person may not even realise they are doing them anymore.

This is where awareness comes in

Before we can really explore a different response to stuttering, I think we need to understand what the current response looks like.

What happens just before the stutter?

What happens during it?

And what happens immediately afterwards?

Someone might realise they start anticipating a particular word several seconds before they say it.

They might notice that their jaw becomes tense.

They might hold their breath.

They might already be planning a substitute word.

They might notice an overwhelming urge to rush.

These are really useful things to notice.

Not because we are trying to find something that is "wrong", but because we now have something specific to explore.

What happens if we don't immediately escape?

This can be an interesting question to explore in therapy.

Rather than telling someone to simply "let themselves stutter", I think it can be much more useful to approach it as an experiment.

What happens if we don't immediately try to change the word?

What happens if we notice the tension rather than immediately trying to get rid of it?

What happens if we slow down enough to notice what is actually happening?

Sometimes the person discovers that the moment they were anticipating was not quite what they expected.

Sometimes they notice much more tension than they realised.

Sometimes they find that the emotional reaction is the hardest part.

And sometimes it is simply uncomfortable.

That is useful information too.

Acceptance doesn't mean giving up

I think this is an important distinction when talking about acceptance in stuttering therapy.

Accepting that you stutter doesn't mean deciding that nothing can change.

It doesn't mean that someone shouldn't have fluency goals.

And it doesn't mean that every difficult communication experience needs to be accepted without question.

Someone can want to modify their stuttering and also become less afraid of stuttering.

They can want to communicate more comfortably while also becoming less focused on hiding every moment of stuttering.

For me, these things can exist alongside each other.

What might this look like in therapy?

You could start with a fairly familiar speaking task and ask the person to notice what happens when they stutter.

The focus doesn't necessarily need to be on changing the stutter straight away.

Instead, you might ask:

What did you notice?

What happened just before it?

Where did you feel it?

Did you want to get out of the moment?

Did you notice yourself trying to change anything?

What happened when you allowed yourself a little more time?

The discussion afterwards is just as important as the activity itself.

I think this is where the clinician can really help the person make sense of what they have noticed.

From "I just get stuck" to "I noticed..."

One of the nicest changes to see in therapy is when a person starts being able to describe their own experience in more detail.

At the beginning they might say:

"I don't know. I just get stuck."

Later they might say:

"I notice that I start anticipating the word before I say it."

Or:

"I can feel the tension building in my throat."

Or:

"I realised I was already thinking about changing the word before I started speaking."

That is a really important shift.

The person is starting to understand their own stuttering rather than simply feeling that it happens to them.

Keeping a record of those observations

This is one of the reasons I like using written and interactive activities alongside discussion.

A lot can happen between therapy sessions.

Someone might notice a new pattern at work.

They might realise they avoided something.

They might have a conversation that went particularly well.

Or they might experience a stuttering moment differently from usual.

If there is somewhere to record those observations, they don't have to rely on remembering everything when they come back to therapy.

That is the idea behind my Interactive Adult Stuttering Therapy Bundle.

The downloadable PDFs can be completed collaboratively with the clinician, with space for notes, reflections and progress.

Clients can save their completed work and email it back to their clinician, or share their progress with family members where appropriate.

A small shift can be important

Learning to sit with a stutter doesn't mean learning to enjoy stuttering.

It isn't about giving up on fluency.

For me, it is about creating a little more space between the moment of stuttering and the automatic urge to escape it.

That space gives us something to notice.

And once we can notice something, we can start talking about it, exploring it and deciding what we want to do with it.

Sometimes that is where some of the most useful conversations in adult stuttering therapy begin.